In a galaxy far, far away people wore things without sleeves. Then someone invented sleeves. They called it: “a robe.” According to Darth Vader, this was not sufficient enough. Instead of taking over galaxies and impregnating a woman with an illegitimate child, maybe all he really needed was a “Snuggie.” It has big sleeves and you can’t see his hands. You can’t see his face either, but that’s beside the point. No one realizes it, but this dark force of nature started a fashion trend that would carry on through the ages. Obi Wan had a Snuggie, Skywalker had one, even Princess Leia followed the trend. A really big blanket you can put your arms through. Unless you’re a Wookiee.
It’s official. The Snuggie has made it’s mark, which surprises me because I think it’s one of those cheesy products forced upon Americans on a daily basis that we don’t really need. What am I going to do with a blanket with sleeves? Apparently it “Keeps me warm and my hands free!” Oh, I wasn’t aware that I was having so much trouble with this dilema before the Snuggie. It’s also “Super-soft fleece!” Um, okay. I apparently don’t own anything “super-soft” and need serious help. I think it’s cheap, silly, and a production of someone bored. Also, it’s one-size-fits-all. That can’t be good. In adult size that could mean that a 200 lb. Wookiee can fit into the same Snuggie as a 130 lb. princess. This does not make anyone feel good, especially me. I need to wear a size small for my self-esteem. A Wookiee wants to pick bugs out of my hair. In the Millenium Falcon, that would be flattering. In the real world, no thank you and please pass the bug spray!
My point being, I don’t want to wear some mass-produced product that can fit a man (no offense honey) or a Bigfoot. I am a woman and need women-like things. This is probably why “they” came up with an animal-print pattern, because it’s “sexy” or women enjoy looking like animals. I don’t get it–this makes me not like it all the more. I don’t dress up in over-sized cheetah blankets and I definately don’t want my husband to either. I think it’s weird!
So with all of this dancing around my subconscious, I went shopping last week. They had already stapled up the Christmas decorations, even though they weren’t done selling the overstocked Halloween candy. Then I saw it: “The Snuggie!,” stacked very neatly at the door, right next to the discount home pregnancy tests, for our convenience. (“Holy Crap! I might be pregnant.. again! Oh look, a Snuggie!”)
My daughter saw the Snuggie! and she got instantly excited. I made a face that mothers make when they’re caught off guard and are seeing something silly that their kids want for no real reason. She was nonplussed. She thought it was “neat” and “I should get one.” Little did I know.
A few days passed, and my husband had to go to the store to get some batteries. He came back with the batteries, an LED flashlight, and, you guessed it, a Snuggie! I smiled an uncomfortable smile and giggled, reflecting back to the exchange with my daughter. I didn’t know what to say. Turns out, my husband had the same reaction as my daughter, only he took things a step further and actually bought one. His reasoning, like my daughter’s, was simple: he thought it “would be cute,” and “I’m always cold.” Thus, a ginormous Wookiee blanket was the answer.
I was touched. It’s brown and I look like an Ewok, but I was touched. I think it’s so sweet that he would get me something I hated in my mind.
“The Snuggie” works, to my dismay. It is warm, but it doesn’t keep my hands free. It’s so huge! I need to use my “free” hands to carry it around with me when I move! I have to roll up the sleeves twenty times just to use the bathroom–I don’t want to wear a “dripping Snuggie!” It’s so long I could be on stilts and no one would notice. Also, the top of it is supposed to wrap around me somehow, and I wondered “Where are the directions?” How could a big blanket with sleeves be so complicated? How do I make it stay around me without tripping over it at the same time? At least I’m not cold. Despite the size, I misjudged “The Snuggie.” All my kids want to use it. Just another gift from my husband to me to them. I love it! It didn’t hurt that my big Wookiee blanket came with a “free” book light too. That came with directions. My husband is currently “borrowing” it. You see, the “Snuggie” is something for the whole family! Thanks honey! I got a gift, I’m warm, I can share it, and I know my husband loves “Star Wars;” and me.