Stretch Life Out

Do:  Watch a lot of T.V. because what else is there to do?  Dishes and laundry and bills will always be there.

Don’t:  Watch a lot of T.V. because it makes you look like a monkey at the zoo learning sign language.

Once upon a time there lived a single woman who could watch “E.R.” every Thursday as her own personal religion and no one said a thing.  Then she met a guy, married him willingly, and got sucked away from George Clooney and into the arms unwillingly of Captain Picard from “The Next Generation.” However, David Duchovny from the “X-Files” wasn’t so bad–he was a geeky version of Clooney.  When given lemons . . .

I did, however, sneek in a few Hugh Grant movies to help my husband with his guilt after tying me up and taping my eyelids open to force me to watch reruns of “The Twilight Zone” all New Year’s Eve.  Jerk. He thinks Hugh stands for all sappy guys who get the hot chick through no fault of their own.  He feels there is no point and nothing original about:

1. Goofy British guy runs around town like an idiot.

2. Beautiful, unattainable woman notices goofy guy because of his accent.

3. Accent boy dates hot girl briefly then has sex even though only a half hour of screen time has gone by.

4. Goofy British guy does something stupid.

5. Beautiful, unattainable woman sits around eating ice cream and staring at the phone.

6. They both tell each other what idiots they are and fall in love and kiss and preferably happens in front of the world press.

The end.

My husband has no idea what he’s talking about.  I know, because he was once an idiot too.  Well, I use the term was loosely.  The key here is to find a common ground usually with force in finding shows both husband and wife can watch together without whining.  We like cooking shows.  It sounds boring, but Gordan Ramsey can be pretty charismatic.  “Project Runway” has Heidi Klum/”Die Hard” has Bruce Willis–need I say more?

Most of the time we’re lucky to even see each other and have two seconds to talk let alone watch “The Dark Knight” or “Top Chef,” but as a couple you’ve got to do it.  We are part of the television generation since Clooney was on the “Facts Of Life.”  So tell the kids to pick up their rooms (even though they won’t) and snuggle up on the couch like a couple of idiots.

Movies don’t make memories, you do.

“Don’t wish for things, let life evolve.” –Julia Roberts (Says the rich, beautiful, unattainable woman. What the hell does she know?)