Stretch Life Out

It’s my birthday.  No biggie–just another notch in a thirty-something belt.  It’s been a long turkey of a weekend; no break, misbehaving children, a broken remote control due to a lost temper, and limited alcohol.  Today, however, is my day.  My husband bought me fancy champagne to celebrate.  I called him and told him I’d [...]

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I have three children, three rooms, three bills, and three messes.  I have had enough of toys, toys, toys!!!  My children reside on the upper level of my house–a girl’s room, a boy’s room, and a toy room.  The upstairs is like the Bermuda Triangle; everything that goes or ends up upstairs ends up disappearing [...]

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It’s the busiest, dumbest, most expensive, bloodiest, and most ridiculously biggest shopping day of the year. You fools!! I slept in today while my husband washed all the Thanksgiving dishes. After my kids had a piece of pumpkin pie for lunch, I did my nails and took a bath while he feverishly fixed the X-Box–is [...]

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I was recently reading an article in “Vogue” magazine about Michelle Obama, the wife of a presidential candidate called Barack, and the reading was going pretty well (about as well as a reading from John Edwards), until I got to the last three paragraphs of a five page “quick hitter” documentary. If any of you [...]

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My wife said this the other day, frustrated once again by the Internet. She was trying to find a crossword puzzle generator, a website she had visited recently to help our oldest with his homework. She believed, incorrectly, that this would be an easy matter. An hour later — and still no crossword site — she was ready to unleash her fury on anyone who’d listen. This was me.

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